Thursday, October 6, 2011
Questioning--Is this who I was supposed to be?
It is easy to look up and wonder. It is easy to look around or down and wonder.
It is easy to look with envy at someone else's greener seeming grass.
In the process of some reading for a continuing education course I am planning I ran across the following blurb:
[Ms. A.--definitely not her real name] "works at TESOL and has her Masters in ESL administration. She has managed a school in Vietnam, trained teachers in South Korea, implemented school reform in Qatar, run a circus train classroom for Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey, and taught 8th grade writing in Maryland. Prior to all that, Sarah was a Peace Corps Volunteer in Ethiopia. She is also a certified ashtanga yoga instructor and has managed an eco-lodge in Chugchilan, Ecuador."
I love my husband, like my job most of the time and sometimes feel like I am making some kind of difference for a few people. But wow! All of those near miss coincidences: I was going to go the Peace Corps route before I chose to come and work in Japan. (I chose the security of a steady paycheck over the chances of malaria and dysentery.) I occasionally do yoga and have been to the circus, but "managed" and "run" are not verbs that really go with my life. --except for maybe "managed to stay married" and have "run" out of oatmeal for breakfast because I forgot to order it from the international food store.
Ah, well...Envy is what I felt when I read all that this woman had accomplished. And knowing that at the heart of my jealous feelings was a seed of truth that I just lack the drive and desire to go that far.
Sigh. Off to "manage" a team taught Intro to Sociology class for 26 lovely freshmen.